Where has the time gone? Three weeks since my last written post.
Around here we’re trying to savor the last few dwindling days of summer. My oldest daughter heads back to school next week. My youngest daughter will head to daycare, for the first time, the following week. I will head to a local community college for a statistics class the week after that.
The anticipation of all these changes has me a little less mindful than I’d like to be. So I’m trying to stay aware of and be present with those feelings.
Last week, I was able to join my husband on a trip to Las Vegas for a few days. I am grateful for the getaway and for my family support system that allows me to get that time away (Thank you Tia Helen!) I savored this time by relaxing, not adhering to a schedule, just being me. I spent some, much needed, quality time with my husband. I explored ideas for this next phase of my life and got more in touch with my reasons for writing this blog…
The extra time also gave me an opportunity to sit with my larger struggle with self-confidence that has hindered my writing these past few weeks. This struggle is nothing new. In fact, in my short time with this blog this is my second time writing about it.
Here’s my truth, I just have not been able to make myself sit down at the computer and write. Here’s my truth, I continue to struggle with thoughts of, “is what I have to say “good enough?”
Low self-confidence. That’s my truth. It’s a long-held internalization that I, and so many of us, have. The struggle is real! It’s not always there, but for me, it comes in waves, usually when lots of things are happening, and happening quickly. I prefer a slow-pace, and there’s the rub.
Preference. Expectation. When things aren’t going our preferred way the mind sees an opening and jumps in with: You’re right! Your writing sucks! Why are you trying so hard? You can’t handle all this!
Negative self-talk. Most of us have experienced this nagging little voice in our head at some time or another. In the past, I could let this nasty voice go on for days, weeks, months. So long that I felt paralyzed and let it scare me into oblivion.
But not this time…
I am so grateful for meditation, mindfulness, and self-awareness. Awareness of negative self-talk is the first step. You can’t change it or find solutions if you don’t know its happening in the first place.
Self-awareness allowed me to share these feelings pretty regularly during these past few weeks. Mindfulness allowed me to be open and present to hearing other perspectives.
Talking to a friend, he reminded me that I could write as if no one was listening. It sounds so simple but that reminder was what I needed. I don’t need to over think every step, or write for the perfect audience, and I don’t need to make sure I’m following all the best tips. I just need to sit down and write from my heart.
Thanks to that advice (Thanks Roz!), here I am sitting down at the computer again, writing another post.
In addition to that good advice, here are a few other techniques that are helping me push past low self-confidence. If self-confidence is something you struggle with, maybe one of these techniques can help you too.
5 Techniques for Building Self-confidence
1. Meditation
Breathing meditation can help develop self-awareness. Awareness when thoughts are arising and trying to take us out of this moment. Loving-kindness meditation can help generate a feeling of interconnectedness with others. Loving-kindness meditation helps remind me that I am not alone in this struggle.
2. Mindfulness
Mindfulness practice in daily life helps develop the ability to label negative self-talk and negative thought patterns as “thinking”. Just thinking. Then you can return to the present moment with breath as your anchor. Reminder: You are NOT your thoughts.
3. Mindful Self-Compassion
In a difficult moment placing my hands over my heart. Using compassionate words towards myself. Remembering that negative feelings and thoughts are temporary.
4. Talk to someone
For me its my husband, a friend, my therapist, and just being honest and sharing my truth when someone asks me how it’s going. If you have a good relationship with that person and “fine” isn’t really the right answer in that moment, then be honest and vulnerable and share how you’re really feeling. Their empathy, compassion, and insight could really help.
*5. For bloggers – byRegina’s EPIC BLOG planner
This planner has helped me craft both a short-term and long-term plan for this blog. Having a clearer path has taken away that lost feeling and helped me see what I need to work on when I sit down at the computer. Highly recommend.
If you’re not a blogger but you’re struggling with confidence in a particular field, search out a trusted resource, maybe a book or a website that can help you craft a plan for your project.
Beyond the writing, with all the changes coming up and with me applying to graduate school, the confidence gremlin has been rearing its ugly head in more ways than one. In the coming weeks, I’ll be sharing more details about these 5 techniques I’m using to help improve my self-confidence.
The EPIC BLOG planner encourages using a monthly theme to guide your blog content, and I love having a guide. To start it off and to bring light to a common struggle that many of us have, this month’s theme will be centered on self-confidence and self-esteem.
As we head into a new academic year, I hope this month’s theme will help you begin to overcome your own confidence struggles, and help you become more connected with yourself and your own deepest purpose.
Stay tuned for more during the month of August and subscribe to get new blog posts via email or follow the blog on Bloglovin’ or Feedly.
I appreciate you. Thank you spending a moment with me today and thank you for sticking with me during this slow period. You can always stay in touch with me on social media via Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or Pinterest.
Have you ever had a struggle with confidence or self-esteem? What helped you through it?
Thank you for your wonderfully vulnerable post. I really appreciated it this evening. I write quite often about self esteem as well… And I love Rumi!
Michelle, I’m so glad my post spoke to your heart when it was needed. Self-esteem is no easy topic. I honor your own courage and vulnerability in this arena. Thank you for reading! Rumi <3
thanks for these thoughts – great post. I agree with talking it out -hands down my fiance is my biggest fan; I couldn’t get through being a doctor / blogging / artist without him
Blogging in particular can be tough for self confidence since there’s always someone bigger, better, more popular and you just have to focus on your own niche.
Wow you are a busy woman! Thank goodness for a supportive partner =) Yes comparison in blogging can be such a confidence killer…but you are right when you look within your own niche it can be flipped and used for inspiration instead. As bloggers, it is so important to build each other up and share each others work so that blogging as a whole can be recognized as a more credible career choice. Thank you for reading and commenting Natalie! =)
Really good suggestions! I think we all struggle with self confidence from time to time. I really like numbers 2 and 3, I am going to try to remember those!!
Yes the self-confidence gremlin is rearing is ugly head in the mind ALL THE TIME for so many of us. Mindfulness and self-compassion have been game changers not only for my self-confidence, but in life. Thank you for reading and commenting Christina!
Appreciated reading your post today. Your bravery and courage to be vulnerable is beautiful! You speak to so many of us who sometimes feel that not only is our writing ‘not good enough,’ but somehow that we, ourselves, are not good enough. Sometimes, all it takes is the courage to speak to this truth so that we can all learn that we are not alone! We all feel this from time to time and need a little encouragement to take our next steps. (BTW: Your writing is beautiful and compelling – you have no reason to doubt your writing). Thanks for sharing your heart :)
Wow! Jelica thank you so much for your kind words they are TRULY appreciated and are felt directly in my heart. It has taken me a while to get here but I am hopeful that sharing my story can give others the courage to voice their own stories and overcome their own gremlins. Thank you for reading!
Love this. Put it in my buffer queue to share with my followers :) Thanks for writing! <3
Thank you for reading and sharing Sarah! I appreciate it <3
wow thank you so much for your tips! couldn’t agree more and will for sure try to put these to use my every day!
Thank you for reading Nicole! Stay tuned for more info on how to put these tips to work in your life. =)
“I’m not good enough” is a deeply ingrained belief that I’ve taken on for a long, long time. I appreciate your commitment to your mindfulness practice and for sharing your process for reeling in your negative self-talk so that your true self can shine through here. This week I’ve been feeling fear around needing others “approval” which is just another way of saying I’m not good enough. These tips are great ways to move through that fear and get back into the flow. In fact, I did number 1 last night and it was very helpful.
The “good enough” is tough and to be honest one that many of us may never fully conquer. What we can do though is improve our mindfulness and respond with self-compassion when we catch ourselves in that dance. Getting through that fear and back into the flow as you said more quickly and smoothly each time. Thank you for reading! =)